How do I convince my spouse to go to couples therapy?
If you're reading this, chances are you're feeling stuck. You love your partner, but communication is strained, arguments go unresolved, and you feel the distance growing between you. You may believe that couples therapy could help, but your spouse isn’t exactly on board.
As a trusted couples therapist in Denver, CO, I’ve worked with many individuals in your shoes. You're not alone in wondering: How do I convince my spouse to go to couples counseling without making things worse?
Use gentle start-up language: This is a strategy I teach in couples therapy that comes from the Gottman method. How we introduce suggestions, complaints, or ideas is really important in communication with our partner. To suggest going to couples therapy, use a framework such as “I feel…(about).” So, for example, “I feel like there’s a lot of distance between us and it’s making me sad/frustrated. I think I would like to go to couples therapy. Is that something you would consider?”
Hear and validate their concerns: There’s a lot of stigma associated with couples therapy or therapy in general. Ask your partner what they are worried or scared of in the therapy process, and instead of just resolving or dismissing their concerns, hear them out and respond with validation. For example: “Yes, I could see why you might feel worried about starting. That’s a valid feeling to have.” If your partner feels heard and understood, you’re starting on the right foot.
Research options together: Have a conversation with your partner about what they might want to look for in a couples therapist. Do they have a gender preference? Do they want someone with experience in a certain kind of therapy? By taking in your partner’s input, they feel heard and might even feel more in control in the process.
Start with a trial session: Once you’ve decided on a therapist, suggest that you can try out a few sessions before deciding to continue. Most therapists will encourage you to ask questions or bring up concerns in that first session, or even offer free consultations to ensure that they are a good fit for you. Removing the pressure of a long-term commitment can make the idea more digestible.
Every couple hits rough patches. The important thing is how you respond and repair them. Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis—it's for couples who care enough to grow and want to get ahead of problems before they feel too big to take on.
If you’re looking for a compassionate and direct, experienced couples therapist in Thornton or Denver, I’m here to help you and your partner take that next step together.
Ready to talk? Contact me today to schedule a free consultation and explore how therapy can help resolve your concerns.
